It is getting to that time of year when we start to set ourselves New Year Resolutions. I have never been a fan of these - why wait until 1 January to make the change we have probably wanted to make for months? Why not do it whenever you want to? Probably because deciding on change is hard and ultimately, it is usually something we know is good for us, but might not be much fun. Maybe you want to change a habit, like developing a better work-life-balance, but it may seem impossible or you don’t know where to start. However, let’s imagine you have taken the decision to do something, so why do you keep failing to stick to it or even get started in the first place? Excuses.
We’re all really good at convincing ourselves of something. We do it all the time; we say things like “I’m too tired to do it today”, “If only I had more time, I would do it”, “I’m too busy right now”. Excuses — whether big or small — can be some of the most convincing barriers to living the life we desire. They seem valid in the moment, often rooted in fear, doubt, or a reluctance to step out of our comfort zones. The funny thing is, we even know we are doing it most of the time; or at least when we are really honest with ourselves! But, we still do it! A lot of my clients are teachers and they are the best at making excuses. However, I find that teachers fail to recognise them as excuses as they appear very valid. If you know a teacher, or are a teacher, you will know that teaching is exhausting and as a result, they are genuinely very tired (especially at this time of year); they are definitely busy people (the myth of working 8.30 - 3pm, is just that, a myth); they have always got a never ending list of things to do (plan, teach, mark…if only it were that simple!). To make things worse, people will sympathise with these excuses and make the excuser feel justified in their thought pattern, because most people know there is some truth to them. However, excuses, like these are based on faulty premises.
If we say to ourselves “I haven’t got time to relax/exercise/take time away from chores”, what happens over time? The likelihood is, we end up feeling worse about ourselves and our mental or physical health deteriorates. Over time, excuses can rob us of our desires, goals, and even our well-being. For some of my clients, they talk about the internal battle in their mind. You know the deal, one voice saying, “why don’t you just get on with it?” and the other saying “you don’t need to do this now, take a break, you can do it later”. The ultimate consequence of the battle leads them feeling exhausted mentally and in the worst case scenarios leads to a growth in anxiety and worry. This shows us that excuses are not harmless. The more we listen to them and give into them, or use them as justification and accept them as truth, the more we fail to do what we really want to do.
So, why do we make excuses?
Fear of Failure
Excuses often mask our fear of trying and not succeeding. We think, “What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough?” This fear can paralyse us into inaction. My younger clients often suffer from this and as a result don't push themselves out of their comfort zone just in case the worst case scenario happens. This lack of confidence has definitely increased since Covid.
Fear of Change
Even positive change can feel overwhelming. Humans are wired to seek comfort and predictability, so stepping into the unknown can feel like too big a risk. Some people contact me because they want to make changes but don't know where to start. With many, they make an enquiry, but then get scared and don't follow up, fearful of what might happen if they embark on therapy. Some never even book a call, look at the website or Instagram, but then use excuses such as “I can’t see how this will help me” or “I just don’t think I am ready for this right now”.
Perfectionism
Sometimes, we set impossibly high standards for ourselves. If we can’t do something perfectly, we convince ourselves it’s better not to do it at all. Often an issue for my clients suffering from anxiety related concerns, they genuinely worry about not doing a good enough job, so make excuses like “I just don’t think I can achieve this as well as “x””.
Overwhelm
Life is busy, and it’s easy to feel like there just isn’t enough time, energy, or focus for the things we know are good for us. Again, rooted in some element of truth, the thought of adding another “thing” to the list seems an impossible task.
Anxiety
Worry about a range of factors, sometimes you do not even know what they are, but the “What if…” voice takes over. We may even start to worry about worrying and then that distracts us even further from what we want to do. The internal battle I mentioned earlier is a symptom of this. One of my clients describes it as having parliament in their head - politicians waving bits of paper at each other whilst arguing about what they should do!
Excuses can range from the probable to the ridiculous! But in my job, I’m not there to judge, but to listen and suggest alternative ways to manage that voice, sometimes called the “advisor” (which, by the way, I don’t think gives very good advice most of the time) that we all have in our head.
The Cost of Excuses
Every excuse we allow to take root, delays our growth and potential. When we avoid action, we miss out on opportunities to learn, improve, and experience the fullness of life. Over time, these excuses create a cycle of regret: the things we didn’t do, the chances we didn’t take, the habits we didn’t build. This can be even harder to break free of, the more we allow it to continue.
The good news? The power to break this cycle is within you!
So, what can you do about it?
Accept it - When the voice creeps in, telling you “I’ll do that when I have more time” or “I can always do that tomorrow”, step back and accept you are having those thoughts.
Distance yourself - Take the thought and distance yourself from it. By putting a few words in front of it, you allow yourself some breathing space to step back further. For example, “I am aware I am having the thought that I am saying to myself… I’ll do that tomorrow”
Assess it - Look at that thought, and think “Is that what I really want?” “What would happen if I did or didn’t do that now?”
Reconnect with your “why” - Have this written down somewhere, maybe a small cue card - why did you want to do these things initially? What is the deeper reason for wanting to do this? Reminding yourself of these goals can help you stop the excuse taking root.
Be strong yet kind - Give yourself a talking to; remind yourself, “Of course I don’t feel like doing this, so what? Do it anyway”. Set yourself a small target, maybe just work out for 10 minutes or spend 10 minutes practising relaxation. Build up slowly. You don’t have to be motivated to do something before you do it. More often than not, you become more motivated when you are actually doing it.
What next? Choose Action Over Excuses
Every time you choose action over an excuse, you strengthen your ability to move toward your goals. It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress. One step at a time, you can build the behaviours, feelings and ultimately, the life you want.
The next time you catch yourself saying, “I’ll do it later,” ask yourself: What am I really waiting for?
So, if you do decide to make a New Year Resolution, maybe it could be to stop making excuses!
What excuse will you confront today?
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